…so said the daily sports paper most associated with Real Madrid, following los blancos midweek 4-0 loss to third division Alcorcon. Other comments from the daily papers included:

Mostly, Madrid Uno likes to write only about the good things going on in the city, but mini dramas like this should be noted too. Real was the club M1 was immediately told to support by the first friends he made on arrival here and supporting the team has provided a proper insight into what it ‘is’ to be a madrileño – as well as providing many excuses to go out and share a beer. Hopefully, last night will be as bad as it will get. M1 does enjoy the midweek pub meet but since Real fans don’t do humiliation well, it’s likely to be a while before everyone’s stable enough to enjoy a match. hay k ver.

A very quick post to alert any readers of a nice little article in the DT on how to have a ‘relatively’ cheap weekend visit to Madrid.

I think it’s a good summary of what you can do in this fantastic city. The author has good tips on free entry to the Prado and Reina Sofia museums, mentions Retiro Park and also gives a shout out to the ‘earthy’ (i.e. scruffy), but authentically-Madrileño, Lavapiés barrio which I always recommend to visiting friends if they’re happy doing a lot of walking.

I can see that the idea of the suggested itinerary is to keep things very central, but I do think a trip north of Grand Via is always worth it as well. I have spent many happy hours wandering around the Malasaña and Argüelles districts which have a wealth of friendly bars and eateries and which provide a constantly fascinating street scene. Also, if you have time on a Sunday, take a mid-morning stroll through the Lago area of Casa de campo and up to Principe Pio as it provides a unique vista of the city and will also generate a healthy appetite for your tapas / aperitivos. Mind though, if you take this option, that you take care to stick to the main-thoroughfares – strange things go on in the woods! hehe.

I was chatting to some Spanish mates the other day about my favourite newsreader, a certain Mónica Carrillo, who sends my heart aflutter everytime she says ‘crisis economica’ – but they were fairly dismissive and instead raved about a certain Patricia Conde, who presents a comedy review / current events TV show called Sé lo que hicisteis (trans. ‘I Know What You Were Up To’). Check her out in action below:

Well, I still say Monica is tops. Now don’t get me wrong here: Patricia is clearly a top babe. But here in Spain, while I’m still regularly knocked sideways by these dusky latin beauties, for the locals they’re just ten-a-dozen. Blondes, on the other hand, get special attention and even an average looker will get herds of men tripping over themselves to chat them up. It’s clearly a rarity thing. In the UK we have a shortage of dark latinas and thus I find them exotic. In Madrid, they have a shortage of blondes and thus find them exotic. Well, that’s my theory anyway and I’m sticking to it.

And BTW, Monica, if you’re reading this, pls get in touch. I’m not rich and I’m not handsome but I have all my own teeth and can make a great Cosmopolitan.

Nuclear Si, Por Supuesto.

Alberto with friend

Local pride, the default mode of which is ’stratospheric’, was raised even further yesterday when Alberto Contador returned home from winning the world’s leading drug taking contest, bicycle race.

It’s Contador’s second win and some say he would have won three by now if he hadn’t had to miss last year’s event because of his team’s (Astana) complicity in the doping scandals that have previously dogged the race. Still, there’s time for more wins because he’s young (born in 1982 – grew up in the nondescript suburb of Pinto, in the South of the Communidad de Madrid) and Lance Armstrong, the bike racer most feared by the rest, is old.

After being greeted by family, friends and fans at Madrid’s Barajas airport, Contador was given a victory reception by the president of Madrid’s regional government in the centre of the capital, at which, every single opportunity was taken to play the Spanish national anthem – a not so subtle rebuke to the Tour de France organisers who had ‘accidentally’ played the national anthem of Denmark at the podium ceremony on Sunday.

Despite being a very naughty boy in California during the summer break, Cristiano Ronaldo was welcomed to Madrid today in the manner of a messiah, with an estimated 80,000 fans packing the Santiago Bernabeu to catch their first glimpse of the Portuguese superstar football player.

The local TV news proudly reported that this number of fans turning up just for a player unveiling was a world record, beating even the welcoming of Maradona (dirty Argie cheat) to Napoli in 1984.

Frankly, this is madness, and also seems a bit desperate. Yes, it was a torrid 2008/09 season, having to watch Barca win the ‘Triple’  and, yes, we have had two weeks of absolutely scorchio weather that has made even grizzled Manchego farmers complain of being hot, but 80,000 people, waiting up to 3 hours, just to see a bloke strut down a catwalk and give a press conference? Lunacy.

The madness was even affecting the club physio who stated he was ‘amazed’ at Cristiano’s condition and that the player has “an extraordinary cardiac and lung capacity.” Riiiiiight. Whatever.

Florentino Pérez, the Real Madrid president and architect of the Ronaldo and Kaká transfers, looked on at the proceedings with a smile a kilometer wide. Let’s hope that smile is still there halfway through next season. He’s called in some serious financial favours to fund these acquisitions and he desperately needs them to pay off. He’s already started trying to cover his back by calling for a new Euro Super League only for big clubs in order to guarantee them sufficient revenues.

Compra Oro

Sign reads – Buy / Sell Gold, watches and shiny things.

Retiro Park in central Madrid has been hosting an exhibition (Universo Urbano) by the sculptor Juan Ripollés. If you want to see more of these unusual and beautiful sculptures I recommend this great photo gallery on Flickr by Colgantitos.

New Real Madrid president Perez has captured his second Ballon D’Or player in one week, this time paying £80 million for Man Utd’s Ronaldo. Added to the estimated £57 million the football club paid AC Milan for Kaka it’s been quite an expensive week.

A Madrid statement read: “Real Madrid confirm they have made an offer to Manchester United for the acquisition of the rights of the player Cristiano Ronaldo . The club hope to reach an agreement with the player in the next few days.”

Last year, Scotch misery guts Ferguson had insisted that he “wouldn’t sell a virus to that mob” when asked about selling Ronaldo to Real. Maybe the swine flu pandemic announced by the WHO has changed his mind. Whatever the reason, Real have been given until 30th June to settle personal terms with the player and if all that goes OK, the step-over king will be on his way to the Bernabeu. Reaction in the city is generally positive although some wonder if he’ll get distracted by all the pretty girls and other distractions in the city that never sleeps. Still, La Liga 2009/10 is already shaping up nicely. Now what can Barca bring to the table in response?

Tonight, the Real Madrid website has announced that the 27 year old Brazilian football star Kaka has been sold from AC Milan and that he has agreed a six-year contract to come to Spain and play at the Bernabeu.

A statement on the Milan website read: “From next season, Kaka will play at Real Madrid… It will be very difficult to fill the void that will be left by Kaka, a shining example of commitment and professionalism. AC Milan, on behalf of the the managers, players and supporters of the Rossoneri, offer him the most cordial and affectionate wishes for continuation of his sporting career.”

The transfer fee is reputed to be approximately £57 million, which would be  world record.

The announcement on the English part of Real Madrid’s website read: “Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, Kaka, now plays for Real Madrid following the deal reached with A.C. Milan. The Brazilian footballer satisfactorily passed a full medical checkup. Kaka has signed a contract linking him to Real Madrid for the next six seasons.”

Kaka is a great striker and goal provider, but he brings something more. He is a marketing dream. Clean cut and handsome his religious faith is well documented. He regularly tithes a portion of his earnings to his church, his favourite book is the Bible, and his favourite band is a gospel rock group called Resgate, “redemption” in Portuguese. Maybe he will be the source of redemption for Real, who desperately need some after a poor year of failure on the pitch and internecine squabbling amongst the ’socios’.

When Brazil won the World Cup in 2002, and again when Milan triumphed in the Champions League final of 2007, Kaka revealed a T-shirt emblazoned with the words: “I belong to Jesus.” Well now, he belongs to Real Madrid as well. Desde Madrid al cielo? Vamos a ver.